my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
