C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
