found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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