Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
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