Is it normal to miss your booty call?
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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