We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
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I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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