my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
