My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Randomize
