I love black thongs
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
