Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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