I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
