Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
