In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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