the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
