My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
