im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
