I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
