Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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