im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Randomize
