oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
