Your mouth is God's brothel.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I need moral support for this bender
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
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