I love black thongs
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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