My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I am puke
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
