First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
