you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
