East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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