Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
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