I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
