I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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