Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
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