im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Less talking, more tequila
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
