You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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