I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
