Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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