I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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