So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
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