I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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