you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Hippo gnu deer
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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