That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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