I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
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