Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
