He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
