he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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