I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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