Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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