You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
