dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
