First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
