how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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