Four minutes until I can fart!
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Boobs are out for the taking
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
