I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
false alarm, still single
Randomize
