saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Soap is not a condiment
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
