Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
