last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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