I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
