i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
