he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
