Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
