I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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