That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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