I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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