I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
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Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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