I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
