Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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