I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
