Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
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