Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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